Top 10 Funniest Things That Ever Happened on My Ranch

Ten tall tales from forty years of ranching outside Amarillo, told the way I tell them at the policy breakfast: wind, hail, one duck and a bull named Frank.

1. The Policy Breakfast That Lost Its Quorum

   Our monthly farm policy breakfast in Amarillo was called to order, and then a big Panhandle tumbleweed took the vacant chair.

2. The Float That Left the Parade

   A stiff Panhandle gust lifted the Farm Bureau float, with six children and a papier-mache bull, clean out of the parade route.

3. The Seventy-Two Ounce Lunch

   My brother-in-law bet me he could finish the famous Amarillo steak challenge, and the wager got complicated around the third baked potato.

4. The Combine Stuck at the Elevator Gate

   A brand-new combine that was one inch too wide for the elevator gate turned an ordinary Tuesday into a three-county discussion.

5. The Hail That Moved the Town Hall Meeting

   A public meeting on land use was held under a tent, until a hailstorm moved it, item by item, into the volunteer fire station.

6. The Cow at the Zoning Board

   A stray Hereford cow wandered into a Randall County zoning hearing and sat down in the seat reserved for public comment.

7. The Windmill That Wore a Duck

   A mallard built her nest on top of my stock-tank windmill, and for one long spring the whole ranch ran on her own schedule.

8. The Pie That Started a Bidding War

   At the Panhandle youth livestock sale, one lemon meringue pie went for more than a steer, and two preachers were involved.

9. The Turkey Who Adopted My Tractor

   A wild tom turkey decided my old Farmall was his mate, and every morning he followed it to the field in the fullest display.

10. The Tornado Siren That Played Taps

    The weekly siren test in our little town went wrong one Wednesday noon, and for three minutes the whole county stood at attention.